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Post by Archived Topic » Mon Dec 17, 2001 7:15 pm

Hi! I'm doing "oriental health care" at work and gonna put my ad on paper. Please help me!

The mentioned below is my rough draft.

ORIENTAL HEALTH CARE

Are you sure you're really fine, or wanna try definitely oriental something?

What do you think the real good-health is?

I can find out what's your problems before it comes out.

Fee: 1st time _____________

Contact: tel _____________

e-mail _________________
Submitted by FUMI ITO (FUKUOKA - Japan)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 7:29 pm

Oriental Health Care: You're sure it's nothing, aren't you... or at least nothing SERIOUS and besides you feel fine... right? And there's probably nothing you can do about it, anyway... or is there? Have you considered any alternatives to your general practitioner? Oriental health care may be the answer to your questions.
Reply from Andrea Kelly (Lenexa - U.S.A.)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 7:44 pm

What do you get when you see your doctor(GP)?

Pills, pills and pills

And what do you get?

Kidney failure, liver problem, you name it, 10 years down the line!

Why not try out the natural way - Oriental Health Care

You will be on your way to better health and happier lifestyle
Reply from Tze Sing Wu (Kuala Lumpur - Malaysia)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 7:58 pm

Tired of paying money to doctors who give you only guesses?

Why not treat your body with natural builders and depart from all the chemicals that doctors are forever filling you with!

Try Oriental Health Treatment to restore natures' body to you and give you a healthier vibrance for life!
Reply from John Hopkins (Jupiter - U.S.A.)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 8:13 pm

HEY, YOU! Take a look at yourself! What do you see? Bandy legs, fat gut, bald head, sagging tits… All the marks of a typical decadent Western lifestyle, right?
Now look at me. What do you see? That’s right - Bandy legs, fat gut, bald head, sagging tits… But that’s only because I happened to inherit my build!
So, take a leaf out of my herbal!
I’ve treated myself using my own Oriental self-health care system exclusively, and it’s done me a power of good.
You too, be like me! Just step inside and register, and I undertake to relieve you personally. The cost? A mere $450 a month! (And my low-cost email-only service is JUST $250 a month!) So be brave, and don’t look back! (And don’t look down.)

Reply from Erik Kowal (Reading - England)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 8:27 pm

Want to feel well, or even better than well? How about healthy, really healthy? Want to prevent problems? Try Oriental Healthcare.

Reply from Denise Scammel (San Angelo - U.S.A.)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 8:41 pm

Try this;
If you look in a mirror and say to yourself
"I'm starting to look like Erik Kowal" then
you need our services.
ORIENTAL HEALTHCARE; Guaranteed to remove
your cynicisim; your sarcasim. To change
your entire outlook on life.
Only Oriental Health can help you see
that other people do not have the same out
look on life that you have and unto each
his/her own opinions.
Just remember what the mirror says and
don't let it happen to you.

on life that you have.
Reply from Jim Frederick (Mississauga - Canada)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 8:56 pm

if you are from the East try the health measures that are suited to your genes. Qriental health care is a wholistic way of taking care of all your health problems. But it is even better as a preventative. Call the following number for a interview over the phone in the USA -----------
Reply from Joseph Burns (cincinnati - U.S.A.)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 9:10 pm

Let’s face it, Jim, it seems unlikely that either of us will ever make the cover of ‘Esquire’, or even ‘Forbes’. In fact I happened to be reaching for my tube of ‘Toup-O-Fix’ just at the moment I glimpsed your dignified strictures, and of course my spontaneous reaction to them was the same as Shakespeare’s doubtless would have been: "Methinks he doth protest too much". For after all, who among us can easily stifle his natural defensiveness on seeing himself so succinctly, if unflatteringly, portrayed, even if the coincidence is purely accidental (or should that be ‘occidental’?).

No Jim, I feel that ultimately we are all better off owning up to our physical shortcomings. In addition to being obliged to acknowledge the element of spirited gallantry which - at least partially - so obviously underlies your defence of Mr Ito’s project, I suspect from the overall vehemence of your response I already have a good idea of your outward appearance. In my case - and quite apart from my dowager’s hump - I must confess to having one leg shorter than the other, although whether it’s my right leg or my left one depends mainly on which way I happen to be squinting the most on any given day.

…Excuse me just a moment while I reposition these uncomfortably ill-fitting dentures… which, however, are a lot more effective than the terrible buck teeth I used to have in resisting the effects of my compulsive thumb-sucking - a habit I acquired years ago in my hapless attempts to blot out the reflection of my face whenever I happened to catch sight of myself in a mirror, or even a shop window. (Alas, my forays into ‘oriental something’ have proved even more hopeless.)

As you may infer from the foregoing, your insinuations about my appearance were strikingly perceptive, but it was your observations on my personality defects that truly struck home, and made me realise how inferior my own knowledge of my character is compared with the depths of your insightfulness. Perhaps, in the luminous words of another contributor to these correspondence pages, "after this unfortunate misunderstanding is cleared up, it will not stand in the way of what may yet become a valuable and enriching friendship".
Reply from Erik Kowal (Reading - England)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 9:25 pm

My satire seems to have bitten in the wrong direction.
I can not nor would I make comments on how someone looks.
Least of all you Erik has I can not see you; the reference
of the mirror is only to what we can see of you: your
writings. The words I used to describe that writing; has
I noted carry only my opinion; while others are free (encourgaged) to have a different opinion.
I let myself get worked up because some of the words
you used seemed quit harsh and directed at people who
were basicly asking for "help".
Your writings since then have shown me that I may well
have jumped the gun in my analysis. I wouldn't want any
misunderstanding to stand in the way of an enriching
friendship eather.

Codily
Jim Frederick
mississauga
Reply from Jim Frederick (Mississauga - Canada)
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Post by Archived Reply » Mon Dec 17, 2001 9:39 pm

In response to above ad:
I definitely am a girl who could be talked into something oriental, or an oriental something.
Real good health: you wake up, you're still alive, your body can still do most of what your brain thinks up during the day. It's good you can find what's my problem before it comes out, because if it comes out they may keep me off the internet. Fee: 1st time - not necessary I assure you. Contact: tel. - Hey with what's my problem I don't get to have my own phone. email: sure, anytime you want to drop me a line, feel free.
P.S. Jim Frederick - relax, can't anyone have a little fun with you around or are you afraid no one else has a sense of humor, I think the witty responses make the site enjoyable and the practical responses make the site functional.
Reply from Sabine Harmann (Elkhorn, WI - U.S.A.)
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