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than you made it

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 9:09 am
by azz
a. I modified a few little things in that story and made it a much better story than you wrote it.
(You wrote that story. I made it better by modifying a few little things.)

b. I added a few things to that machine and now it is a better machine than you made it.

(You made that machine. I made it better.)

Are (a) and (b) grammatically correct?
Are they natural sentences?

Many thanks

Re: than you made it

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:29 pm
by gdwdwrkr
a. I modified a few little things in that story and made it a much better story than it had been as you had written it.

b. I added a few things to that machine and now it is a better machine than it had been as you had made it.

Re: than you made it

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 3:52 pm
by BonnieL
I don't care for the "it" at the end.

a) I modified a few little things in that story and made it a much better story than what you wrote.

b. I added a few things to that machine and now it is a better machine than what you made.

Are my changes correct? Either way, neither sentence is polite. My husband is my editor & he would never say he made the story better! Generally he would say he made my writing more clear. :D

Re: than you made it

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:15 pm
by gdwdwrkr
a) I modified a few little things in the story and made it a much better story than that which you'd written.
b. I added a few things to the machine and now it is a better machine than that which you'd made.

If I were to use the last three words of your sentences, BonnieL, I'd hyphenate them to "what-you-wrote" and "what-you-made", creating singularities of them, in my mind, at least. Heck, I might even hyphenate the last four in my sentences!
The prescriptivist in me will not be cast-out.

Re: than you made it

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 5:17 pm
by trolley
azz wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 9:09 am
a. I modified a few little things in that story and made it a much better story than you wrote it.
(You wrote that story. I made it better by modifying a few little things.)

b. I added a few things to that machine and now it is a better machine than you made it.

(You made that machine. I made it better.)
I agree with Bonnie that the "it" on the end of the sentence looks ugly but without "it" we're not really clear who wrote the original story.

"I modified a few little things in that story and made it a much better story than what you wrote."

Consider that Joe and Bob both wrote stories. I tweaked Bob's story and created a story that was better than the one that Joe wrote. I'd just take the most direct route

"I modified a few things in the story that you wrote and made it much better."

PS Azz, did you and Navi and Digitalen all go to the same school, or grow up in the same family or, perhaps, just share the same body?

Re: than you made it

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:00 pm
by gdwdwrkr
BonnieL wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 3:52 pm
My husband is my editor & he would never say he made the story better!
But as your husband, he must!

Re: than you made it

Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2018 4:46 am
by azz
Thank you all so much for your responses,

Actually Navi and I are married. We work together and sometimes have arguments about grammar (not a big deal). Phil has been informed of this. It is no big secret.But you will make a good detective. I thought my questions were a lot better than his!

I don't have any idea who Digitalen is. If Navi is up to some mischief, he has kept me in the dark!
(I am joking. It is not him.)

Many thanks.

Re: than you made it

Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:20 pm
by trolley
Ahh, yes. I wasn't so sure that Digitalen was was in the mix, although there are similarities in the types of questions and the way in which they are presented. I would have bet that Navi and Azz were different screen names for the same person...not that it matters, at all.
Thanks

Re: than you made it

Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 5:48 am
by azz
All we do is ask questions, and we keep things separate. I don't think I've ever posted in his threads and I don't think he has posted in mine.

I don't recall having checked out posts by Digilalen. Navi doesn't know him (or her) either We'll have to check out his or her posts.

Many thanks.

Re: than you made it

Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 6:45 am
by trolley
trolley wrote:
Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:20 pm
I would have bet that Navi and Azz were different screen names for the same person...
...but I wouldn't, now

Re: than you made it

Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:17 am
by Rufus Miles
"I modified a few things in the story that you wrote and made it much better."

This is surely the best, although I would write (being a possibly over-polite Briton):

"I modified a few things in the story that you wrote and (I hope!) made it much better."