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Has hated for years

Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 5:21 pm
by STEVENSAKURA
- Betsy has hated Jennifer for ages, that's why last week she pushed Jennifer and she fell off the stairs and miscarried. Finally, the court decided to give Betsy 2 year-sentence in jail about meaning to harm other people.

- Are these sentences natural enough? :)

Thanks so much!

StevenSakura

Re: Has hated for years

Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:52 pm
by Shelley
Betsy has hated Jennifer for ages. That's why, last week, she pushed Jennifer, causing her to fall down the stairs and miscarry. Finally, the Court sentenced Betsy to two years in jail for assault and battery. (Legal minds may be able to correctly identify the crime -- I don't think it's manslaughter, unless the fetus is considered a person . . .)

Re: Has hated for years

Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 9:18 pm
by trolley
Steven runs with a crazy crowd.

Re: Has hated for years

Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 12:44 am
by russcable
I don't like "Finally, the court... ". First, it seems like only one thing has happened before "finally" - I think we need a longer sequence. Second, the involvement of the court seems a bit sudden. Finally, I don't think the court needs to be capitalized.
Either just:
She was sentenced to two years...
or:
After the police investigation, she was arrested and had to wait in jail for a month. The trial went on for weeks! (and now we can use...) Finally, the court sentenced her to

Re: Has hated for years

Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 6:05 am
by STEVENSAKURA
Dear Trolley!

- What do you mean by "Steven runs with a crazy crowd"? I hope you didn't mean to offend others.

Best regards,

StevenSakura

Re: Has hated for years

Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:54 pm
by trolley
Not intentionally, Steve. It was an attempt at humour (which missed the mark since it needs to be explained). I was hinting that all these people whom you write about are your friends. A lot of them do seem to have issues. :-)

Re: Has hated for years

Posted: Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:09 pm
by Wizard of Oz
.. Steve what trolley said is not offensive .. I smiled when i read it because I knew at once what he was alluding to .. because you wish to cover a wide range of topics it always seems as though the people you write about in your sentences are your personal friends and they do get up to a whole range of wild happenings .. hence the suggestion that you run with, hang around with, a wild crowd ..

WoZ who ran wild for years