Business-speak

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Business-speak

Post by Bobinwales » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:12 pm

I though that we could have a litttle fun with THIS as it seems so quiet at the moment.
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Re: Business-speak

Post by PhilHunt » Tue Jun 17, 2008 4:02 pm

I wonder, is someone brilliantly clean after they've had an idea shower?
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Re: Business-speak

Post by trolley » Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:12 pm

I had a friend who was let go from his job because his position had been "rationalized". Oddly, I thought it would be worse if your position couldn't be rationalized. Although it sounded much better than getting shit-canned, I suspect it felt much the same.
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Re: Business-speak

Post by Wizard of Oz » Tue Jun 24, 2008 4:27 am

.. trolley I hope your friend wasn't thin as he has been downsized and that could make him anorexic if he was thin to begin ..

WoZ
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Re: Business-speak

Post by Ken Greenwald » Tue Jun 24, 2008 6:21 am

Here are some gems from the business of academia-speak:

It is intuitively obvious. [[To whom, Albert Einstein?]]

It can be easily demonstrated [[Then do it, you fucker!]]

The proof will be left as an exercise. [[Bastard!]]
___________________

Ken G - June 23, 2008
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Re: Business-speak

Post by hsargent » Tue Jun 24, 2008 2:39 pm

We had re-engineer which meant to lay people off.

We had out of the box thinking.

We had Paradigm shift.

We like the British, used low hanging fruit and leverage.

We had work-process which approached a communist logic with consensus agreements rather than by vote.

These bring back pain from 7 years ago when I retired from a manufacturing job.
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Re: Business-speak

Post by trolley » Tue Jun 24, 2008 4:20 pm

MEMO TO ALL STAFF

Management is keenly aware that there is a perceived lack of communication between supervisors and staff. We disagree completely with this notion and are not prepared to discuss it any further.

The Boss
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Re: Business-speak

Post by Bobinwales » Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:09 pm

I collected a great number of these things when I was a Borough Councillor. This was one of my favourites.

"We will put the item on the back burner until it is flagged up, or it may even be flushed out earlier."
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Re: Business-speak

Post by trolley » Tue Jun 24, 2008 6:09 pm

I've seen a lot of fires and boil-overs happen on those damned back burners. I've stopped using them and started putting stuff directly on my plate. Now I've got too much.. oh, never mind.
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Re: Business-speak

Post by kagriffy » Tue Jun 24, 2008 10:45 pm

I just spent the day at a workshop put on by our consultant, who previously (as of last Friday) worked for the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. He used a couple I hadn't heard before:

"Silo-Busting": This is based on the premise that there are numerous Public Health programs at the national level; each of these focuses on and works within its own set of parameters (its "silo"), even though other programs may be doing similar things. "Silo-busting" is when one program "breaks through" those "silo" boundaries to collaborate or share resources with another program.

"Parking Lot": During the discussions, he asked us to put things in our "parking lot" (i.e., write down ideas, comments, suggestions, or "themes" that occur to us but which are not relevant to the discussion at hand); at the end of the discussion period, we were to share the things in our "parking lot" so we'd cover all the items without getting off-topic as much.

I'm not sure how prevalent these are yet or who may be using them, but they definitely seemed like "business-speak" to me!
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Re: Business-speak

Post by p. g. cox » Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:37 am

In ancient times it would be "The floggings will continue until morale improves."
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Re: Business-speak

Post by hsargent » Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:36 pm

The Silo analogy was common 6 years ago before I retired. This is a sequence of cause and effects building up.

The Parking Lot was not common. Issue Bin was used.
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Re: Business-speak

Post by Shelley » Thu Jul 10, 2008 8:54 pm

I'm a member of a committee which temporarily "parked" its matters for future consideration in a "lot". The Parking Lot was a list inside a box which appeared at the end of each meeting's Minutes. The list got longer through the years, and The Parking Lot was finally bulldozed after the rusted wrecks of former lofty goals were sent off to the ethereal junkyard.
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Re: Business-speak

Post by Bobinwales » Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:03 pm

I think we need to hit the ground running, keep our eye on the ball, and make sure that we are singing off the same song sheet. At the end of the day it is not a level playing field and the goal posts may move; if they do, someone else may have to pick it up and run with it. We
therefore must have a golf bag of options hot-to-trot from the word 'go'.

It is your train set but we cannot afford to leave it on the back burner; we've got a lot of irons in the fire, right now. We will need to un-stick a few potential poo traps but it all depends on the flash-to-bang time and fudge factor allowed.

Things may end up slipping to the right and, if they do, we will need to run a tight ship. I don't want to re-invent the wheel but we must get right into the weeds on this one. If push comes to shove, we may have to up stumps and then we'll be in a whole new ball game.

I suggest we test the water with a few warmers in the bank. If we can produce the goods then we are cooking with gas. If not, then we are in a world of hurt. I don't want to die in a ditch over it but we could easily end up in a flat spin if people start getting twitchy. To that
end, I want to get round the bazaars and make sure the movers and the shakers are on-side from day one. If you can hit me with your shopping list I can take it to the head honchos and start the ball rolling.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and I think we have backed a winner here. If it gets blown out the water, however, I will be throwing a track. So get your feet into my in-tray and give me chapter and verse as to how you see things panning out. As long as our ducks are in a row I think the ball will stay in play and we can come up smelling of roses.

Before you bomb burst and throw smoke, it is imperative we nail our colours very firmly on the mast and look at the big picture. We've got to march to the beat of the drum. We are on a sticky wicket so we'll need to play with a straight bat and watch out for fast balls.

I've been on permanent send for long enough and I've had my ten pence worth. I don't want to rock the boat or teach anyone to suck eggs. We must keep this firmly in our sight picture or it will fall between the cracks. If the cap fits, wear it, but it may seem like pushing fog up a hill with a sharp stick.

Folks, it is what it is.
I wish I could take the credit for writing this, but it arrived fully formed.
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Re: Business-speak

Post by Daverbal » Sat Jul 19, 2008 12:37 am

I'll go one better than #10...
10. "You can add challenge to the list. Problems are no longer considered problems, they have morphed into challenges."
Irene MacIntyre, Courtenay, B
I've long considered so-called "problems" as "situations" . Defining the "problem" means seriously restricting people's perspective of the situation.

Examples...

Fellow Chemist: What's the problem Alexander?
Fleming: My bacteria experiment is ruined because mold is growing in it.

Servant: Did you shout for me, Sir?
Archimedes: You jerk! You filled the tub too much, and it overflowed when I got in.

I firmly believe that weeds are only plants growing where they're not wanted.

But I will add some scary business-speak that I've encountered...

I work in a mostly female company that has butterfly groups. I thought maybe it was a cute way to say ad hoc committee, because they flutter in and out of your lives, but someone told me "No" and that it was a bit difficult to explain. I never got up the nerve to ask again.
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