Just for fun sentences

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Just for fun sentences

Post by Wizard of Oz » Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:31 am

.. people I am not sure where these belong but I found them to be amusing and clever .. I have highlighted my favourites .. I do think some of these have appeared before but enjoy those you have not encountered .. I did ..

1. A bicycle cannot stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15. A calendar's days are numbered.
16. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
17. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
18. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
19. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
20. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
21. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
22. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
23. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
24. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
25. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
26. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
27. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
28. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
29. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
30. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
31. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
32. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
33. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
34. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
35. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the
other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
36. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
37. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
38. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
veteran.
39. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
40. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

WoZ
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Signature: "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Edwin F Ashworth » Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:37 pm

Number 24 will be excellent to read out instead of the actual contents of my next Christmas cracker.
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by trolley » Wed Apr 14, 2010 4:41 pm

and gdwdwrkr said to his son as he gazed around the workshop, "Someday my boy, this awl will be yours."
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Edwin F Ashworth » Tue May 04, 2010 9:50 am

"I'd rather have a plane, dad."
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Erik_Kowal » Tue May 04, 2010 12:07 pm

"Son, when did you get to become such a tool?"
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Bobinwales » Tue May 04, 2010 12:20 pm

And you such a boring tool too. That's why we named you Gimlet.
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Signature: All those years gone to waist!
Bob in Wales

Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Edwin F Ashworth » Wed May 05, 2010 12:09 am

I'm sure gdwdwrkr's son is a tribute to his dad. A chip off the old block.
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by trolley » Wed May 05, 2010 5:21 am

Unlike some other wood knot, could not kids I've known.
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Bobinwales » Wed May 05, 2010 9:28 am

Come back to us Jim, we miss you.
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Signature: All those years gone to waist!
Bob in Wales

Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Erik_Kowal » Wed May 05, 2010 10:04 am

Gimlet: hints of pen mark.
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Wizard of Oz » Wed May 05, 2010 2:42 pm

Gimlet was bored; he did not find the holy jokes funny.

WoZ giving you the drill
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Signature: "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Ken Greenwald » Thu May 06, 2010 12:52 am

After the two painters took a walk along the river van Gogh noted, “My post impression of you is that too loose you trek.” To which his companion replied, “Keep talking like that and you'll end up in Seine.”
________________

Ken – May 5, 2010
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Edwin F Ashworth » Thu May 06, 2010 8:38 am

Ah, I wondered where the watercolour was invented.
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Erik_Kowal » Thu May 06, 2010 9:24 am

During a stroll along the Rive Gouache, apparently.
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Re: Just for fun sentences

Post by Edwin F Ashworth » Thu May 06, 2010 8:16 pm

And I could have sworn it was that chap in Venice.
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