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Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:40 am
by Erik_Kowal
"There's no hot water left in the tank!" cried Tom, opening the bathroom door and running out swiftly into the hallway.

"Get your poncy-looking poodle out of here, you mincing twit!" Joanna snapped bitchily.

"After we rip down their poster from the steeple, I'm certain the local Conservatives will never be able to replace it in time," Terry assured them conspiratorially.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 4:32 pm
by Edwin F Ashworth
"I prefer the other supermarket," she said uncooperatively.
"Neville Landless is guiltless," I moaned mysteriously.
"I've almost cracked my classification of the chemical elements!" Mendeleev would claim periodically.
"Silly girl!" he said dissmissively.
"Never use any unnecessary or ambiguous words," emphasised the tutor insegreviously.
"At last - I've got the Deathstick; it will be easy for me to bend it to my full control," boasted Voldemort hallowly.
"Surely you're not contesting the theory of Continental Drift!" she mocked crustily.
"You're late again - you're so infuriating! You could set a watch by my family," she chimed.
"You sayin' I play mah musik loud after midnight!?" said Ermintrude disconsolately. (Apologies to the crossword compiler whose work this is, mangled).
She then showed how much she liked Cream. Chantilly.
"Let this be a warning to the greengrocers amongst you!" apostrophised the English teacher, though it was wasted on 11z.
"Over the next hill is the valley where the Campbells lived," said the coach-driver clandestinely.
The claims of synesthesia advocates had been greatly overstated, he hinted darkly.
"Money is no object," she said intransitively.
"Don't you need this five thousand then?" enquired the bank clerk tellingly.
"This lager is better than beer," he said improbably.
"I knew they wouldn't be able to hide their U-boats from THIS ASDIC," he thought subconsciously.

"It's ours - OURS!" cried Gollum, preciously.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 7:42 pm
by Shelley
OMG!, typed Shelley, initially.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:37 pm
by Edwin F Ashworth
"You know my methods, Watson - where do you think they have hidden the body?" asked Holmes cryptically.
"I knew I shouldn't have let you choose the walk!" he said callously.
"My lawyer says that the 50% royalties clause is cast-iron, Leonardo," she smiled inscrutably.
"Beheading! Now you're really scaring me!" grinned the Cheshire Cat inarticulately.
"I see no ships!" he shouted admirably (and apocryphally).
"Have you forgotten what it was agreed the name of the next rocket would be?" he demanded saturninely.

"I can't see us getting a better deal," said Elias Boudinot, with certain reservations.
"You'll be moved to new sites to live," said the Government Oficial, ex-plaining.

"We will not join the EMU until all the economic tests have been met!" he asserted sterlingly.

"We told him to go away... and away he goes!" soliloquised Smeagol.
"Good morning!" adventured Bilbo.

"Let's see you blow a decent glass flask then!" retorted Liebig.

"I haven't fallen off once yet, cracked Humpty.
"What bird is like a writing desk?" asked the Hatter, ravenously.
Tweedledee and Tweedledum had got one slight distinguishing feature thought Alice on reflection.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 6:44 pm
by PhilHunt
I saw this one on the BBC this morning. I wonder if it was intentional.

Chile troops aim to stop looting

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 12:22 pm
by Edwin F Ashworth
"Somebody's drunk my lunch!" wailed Mr Fields, dispiritedly.

"You know my methods, Watson - where do you think they have hidden the body?" asked Holmes cryptically.
"I think I'm ahead of you on this one, Holmes!" erred Watson, loftily.

"I've finished my novel at last!" announced Margaret Mitchell breezily.
"We're trying to think of catchy titles for ours," responded Salinger and Heller, admittedly not too Swiftily.

"Every action I took was pragmatic!" stated Prime Minister Harold Wilson.
"We will get rid of every one of these lethal bendy-buses," declared Boris inflexibly.

"Six hundred should be enough," declared Alastair Cook.
"City's form is inconsistent," conceded Hughes winsomely.
"Slitherin have a new seeker this year!" snitched Goyle.

"Lord Manderton won't have a clue about the treasures we're finding on his property!" chortled Tony Robertson, getting in a sly dig.
"This guy wouldn't get anywhere with two runners," sledged Warne.
"Eddie the Eagle probably won't be setting any records," said the commentator in a very down-to-earth sort of way.
"You should have seen the one that got away!" she added, fishing for compliments.
"Welsh Rabbit is all we've got," she said gratingly.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 am
by Edwin F Ashworth
"That was a disaster!" said Gordon resignedly.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 10:03 pm
by Erik_Kowal
"Still, I'll probably do better than Edward Heath," added Gordon bigotedly.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 11:43 pm
by Edwin F Ashworth
"Those two won't give you a straight answer to a black-and-white question!" argued Gordon, David and Nick, colourfully.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 7:01 am
by Erik_Kowal
"In a hung parliament you won't have a Clegg to stand on," the two main party leaders assured each other unsupportively.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:21 pm
by Edwin F Ashworth
"We've won! It's a triumph for democracy!" cried xxxxxx unmandatedly.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Mon May 10, 2010 8:58 pm
by Edwin F Ashworth
I remember these two, but can't find them in a site search:

"Is this the River Tyne, miss?" teased Tommy.
"No, Tommy," said Miss Lumley, wearily.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Tue May 18, 2010 8:19 pm
by Edwin F Ashworth
"I'm just not going to keep sailing all the way round Africa!" stated Ferdinand de Lesseps, trenchantly.
"The coach and I are working on my batting technique in the nets," commented David Gower, edgily.
"When we wish to divide six and seven-eighths by eleven, there is a necessary first step," he suggested improperly.
"I've already got a wall, and I don't like statues. Think of something else!" said Hadrian, archly.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 3:37 pm
by PhilHunt
"Did you see those cunning stunts?" Mr Knievel asked Mr Flynt spoonerly.

Re: Tom Swifties

Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 10:15 pm
by christinecornwall
I haven't even looked up 'spoonerly' yet and have already decided: THAT is funny!