** Dating the Australian way

We've created this area in the hope of seeing material ranging from some well-told (or well retold) jokes to original writing with a humorous slant, or anything else that might appeal to the kind of person who enjoys playing with words more than people. That probably means someone like yourself. N.B. -- Postings preceded by ** contain some sexual or risqué content. (Makes them easier to find.)
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** Dating the Australian way

Post by Erik_Kowal » Thu Mar 16, 2017 7:56 pm

A very proper British gentleman goes on holiday to Australia for the first time. He rents a car in Sydney, and begins driving up the coast. Soon he's out of the suburbs and entering miles of ranch country. Sure enough, within a few minutes, within clear view of traffic, he sees a rancher shagging a sheep. He had thought this was just a rude stereotype, but no: a few minutes later, he sees another. Soon, another. And so on, and so on.

Appalled and disgusted, he pulls off the highway to compose himself, but as he pulls into a gas station, he sees the topper— a drunken old one-legged man openly masturbating on the bench outside the shop!

The traveller goes into the store and blows his top: "What kind of degenerates are you lot? I've barely been in this country a couple of hours, and I've seen who knows how many ranchers buggering sheep, and now here's some old one-legged sot tossing off on a public bench!"

The shopkeeper replies, "Stiddy on they, mate. In faihness t' 'im, view inny idear 'ow 'ard it is fra one-liggid bloke t' kitch a sheep?"
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Re: Dating the Australian way

Post by Bobinwales » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:55 pm

Bruce was on his own, driving through the Outback when he passed a remote house. There was a woman outside feeding the chooks, so Bruce called, "Hey Sheila! Fancy a fuck?".
Without taking a breath she called back, "You talked me into it; you smooth talking bastard".
Sorry WoZ
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Signature: All those years gone to waist!
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Re: Dating the Australian way

Post by Wizard of Oz » Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:04 am

OK OK so it's open season on Aussies.

I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs. It was a ridiculously long name. (boom boom)

A Welshmen and an Englishman were rounding up sheep when one of the ewes suddenly ran into a fence and got it's head stuck. The two men ran over to the fence and one of them said to the other, "Hey, boyo, this is too good an opportunity to pass up!"
The man unzipped his trousers, yanked out his cock and fucked the ewe for ten minutes until he finally came inside it. After he finished he looked at his friend and said, "That was bloody marvellous, mate. D'you fancy a go then?"
"Bloody right I do!" replied the Englishman, as he unzipped his trousers and stuck his head through the fence.

WoZ in return
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Re: Dating the Australian way

Post by Bobinwales » Sat Apr 01, 2017 8:09 pm

Erik. I think that a couple of asterisks in the title of this thread might be appropriate the way it has gone. And I know... I'm just as bad! And I feel another one coming on...
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Re: Dating the Australian way

Post by Bobinwales » Sat Apr 01, 2017 8:17 pm

I told this one to WoZ when I was in Oz.
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A university professor decided that he was going to conduct an investigation to identify the best method for shagging a sheep. He started in Wales, where he was told that the usual method involved stuffing the ewe's back legs into the tops of the wellies. A trip to Australia, and the same technique was mentioned. However, in New Zealand he was startled to hear from the first man he asked that the norm was to throw the sheep onto its back.

The professor explained that he found this a bit of a surprise, because he had been told that in Wales and Australia the back legs were shoved into the tops of the wellies.

On hearing this, the New Zealander was equally astonished: "What? No kisses!?"
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End of topic.
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