Praise be.

We've created this area in the hope of seeing material ranging from some well-told (or well retold) jokes to original writing with a humorous slant, or anything else that might appeal to the kind of person who enjoys playing with words more than people. That probably means someone like yourself. N.B. -- Postings preceded by ** contain some sexual or risqué content. (Makes them easier to find.)
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Praise be.

Post by Bobinwales » Fri Sep 09, 2016 9:31 pm

The church was full, and the vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the pulpit. She said, "I have something to say 'thank you' for. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible motorbike crash, and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating, and the doctors didn't know if they could help him”.

There was a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children”, his wife went on. ”Every movement caused him terrible pain. We prayed together as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out that they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and then wrapped wire around it to hold it in place”.

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now”, she announced in a quivering voice, "we thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital, and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely”.

All the men sighed with unified relief.

The vicar rose, and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the pulpit.

Grasping the pulpit and leaning forward as he spoke, he announced, "I am Phil”.

The entire congregation held its breath.

"I'd just like to tell my wife, the word is 'sternum' ”.
Signature: All those years gone to waist!
Bob in Wales

Re: Praise be.

Post by Erik_Kowal » Sat Sep 10, 2016 2:13 am

I mix them up all the time. It complicates my sex life no end.

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