Two builders, Dave and Mike, were seated at a table in a pub when a well-dressed man in a smart suit entered, ordered a beer and sat down on a stool at the bar.
The two builders began to speculate about the man’s occupation.
Dave: I reckon ‘es an accountant.
Mike: No way -- ‘es a stockbroker.
Dave: Leave it out, he ain’t no stockbroker! He wouldn’t come in ‘ere if he was.
This argument continued for some time until the beer began to take its toll on Dave and he had to head for the toilet.
On entering he noticed ‘the suit’ standing at a urinal, and with the beer giving him Dutch courage he decided to ask the man about himself.
Dave: No offence meant, but me and me mate, we’ve been having a bit of a barney about what you might do for a livin’. So what line are you in?
Suit: No offence taken. As a matter of fact, my profession is as a Logical Scientist.
Dave: Oh yeah? What’s that mean then?
Suit: I’ll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Dave: Er... well, yeah, I do, as it ‘appens.
Suit: Well, it’s logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Dave: It’s in a pond.
Suit: Well then, it’s reasonable to suppose that if you have a pond you have a large garden.
Dave: Yes, as it goes, I ‘ave got a big garden.
Suit: Now, it’s logical to assume that in this town, if you have a large garden, you also have a large house.
Dave: As it ‘appens I do ‘ave –- a five-bedroom place; built it meself.
Suit: Well, given that you’ve built a five-bedroomed house, it’s logical to assume that you haven’t built it just for yourself, and therefore you are almost certainly married and have a family. Yes?
Dave: Yeah, that’s right, I live wiv me missus and four kids.
Suit: Well, with that number of children, it is logical to assume you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis. Yes?
Dave: Yep, absolutely - three or four times in the week and always at weekends.
Suit: So it’s logical to conclude from that that you don’t masturbate very often.
Dave: Damn right I don’t! No need to, mate!
Suit: Well, there you are. That’s logical science for you.
Dave: What d’you mean?
Suit: Well, from initially establishing that you have a goldfish I’ve now also established that you have an active sex life.
Dave: Oh yeah! That’s pretty impressive. Thanks, mate!
Both men left the toilet and Dave returned to rejoin Mike.
Mike: I saw ‘the suit’ go in the toilet about the same time as you. D’you speak to ‘im?
Dave: Yep. I asked him what ‘e did for a livin’, and he told me ‘es a Logical Scientist.
Mike: What’s that then when it’s at ‘ome?
Dave: Well it’s a bit complicated like, but I’ll try an’ explain. Do you ‘ave a goldfish?
Mike: No, I don’t.
Dave: Well then, you’re a wanker!
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