A fellow decided to take off early from work and go drinking. He stayed until the bar closed at three in the morning, by which time he was extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returned home on foot. When he entered his house he wanted to avoid waking anyone, so he took off his shoes and started to tiptoe up the stairs. But halfway up the stairs he had the misfortune to fall over backwards and land flat on his back. That wouldn't have been so bad except that for some reason he had slipped an empty beer bottle into each of his back pockets. The bottles broke in the fall and badly carved up his back. But the man was so drunk, he didn't realize he was hurt.
A few minutes later as he was undressing he noticed blood on his clothes, so he checked himself out in the bathroom mirror. Sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances and went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was still hudding under the blankets trying to think up a good cover story when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
We've created this area in the hope of seeing material ranging from some well-told (or well retold) jokes to original writing with a humorous slant, or anything else that might appeal to the kind of person who enjoys playing with words more than people. That probably means someone like yourself. N.B. -- Postings preceded by ** contain some sexual or risqué content. (Makes them easier to find.)
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