Things ain't what they used to be...

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Things ain't what they used to be...

Post by Erik_Kowal » Sat Jan 07, 2012 7:12 am

ThIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!

We must stop it immediately!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? That groceries are heavier? And that everything is farther away than it used to be? Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They are constantly speaking in whispers. If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am -- a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.

On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. Why, I ran into an old friend the other day, and she had aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and while doing so I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors today are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing -- everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screeching and swerving in my rear-view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are also less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no-one is going to notice? And the people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually believe the number I see on the dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on, but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that nobody could possibly ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am writing this in a larger type size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts -- they are a lot smaller now than they once were.
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