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Eve's story

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 3:27 pm
by Bobinwales
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to pay Eve a visit. “So, how is everything going?” inquired God.

“It is all so beautiful, God.” she replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They’re a real pain...”

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced”.

“That’s a fair point.” replied God, “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I reckoned that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away”.

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

“Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?”

“Just fantastic” she replied, “But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so lonely”.

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let’s see... where did I put that useless tit?”

I got this story from a woman; it’s strange that men tell some yarn about a rib...

Re: Eve's story

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 4:41 am
by Wizard of Oz
.. Bob some people might think this a gratuitous use of the word tit unless they are aware of the English colloquial/slang meaning of that word .. when it is realised that a tit is a fool or idiot or a twit then the joke gains meaning ..

WoZ who is a tit man from way back

Re: Eve's story

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 10:42 am
by Bobinwales
I did think about that WoZ, but the original was sent to me as a viral and I only did a modicum of re-writing. I saw that some of the spellings were American I took it that it had at least visited the USA before it got to me, so I also took it that the expression "useless tit" was known there.

Re: Eve's story

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 11:02 am
by Erik_Kowal
Perhaps I can comment on this vital question.

Tit is certainly in extremely widespread use here in the USA; but it is my impression that useless tit, like its sister expressions a right tit and an absolute tit (both meaning 'a total idiot/twerp'), is largely restricted to the British side of the pond (and is apparently also in use in Australia ;-). Here, tit overwhelmingly refers either to a woman's breast or to a member of the family of birds known as tits, and does not carry the subsidiary meaning of 'fool'.

Re: Eve's story

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 5:29 am
by russcable
"Useless tit" sounds British to me. I was anticipating the punchline would use the word "boob".

Re: Eve's story

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 7:17 am
by Erik_Kowal
russcable wrote:I was anticipating the punchline would use the word "boob".
... Which would not be understood as a pun in British English, where as a noun it only means 'woman's breast'. In American English, it is also a term meaning 'idiot' or 'fool' (now somewhat dated).

Depending on the closing sentence, the full flavour of this joke can apparently only be appreciated either west or east of the Atlantic, but not both at once.