Travel time

We've created this area in the hope of seeing material ranging from some well-told (or well retold) jokes to original writing with a humorous slant, or anything else that might appeal to the kind of person who enjoys playing with words more than people. That probably means someone like yourself. N.B. -- Postings preceded by ** contain some sexual or risqué content. (Makes them easier to find.)
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Travel time

Post by tony h » Sat Jul 08, 2006 9:54 pm

Quoted from the Week.

Air Tours published some sample "complaints" thay had received. One, from a couple from the UK complained that they would never fly with Air Tours again because "it took us 9 hours to fly to Barbados with Air Tours but some Americans they met there said they got to Barbados in only 3 hours"
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Post by Edwin Ashworth » Mon Jul 10, 2006 6:48 pm

The Americans use planes.
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Post by haro » Wed Jul 12, 2006 10:14 pm

Here's a little story told by a travel agent in the USA (copied from the Internet years ago):

"A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!"

Good thing the flights from Detroit go into Chicago right across Lake Michigan. If the plane had crossed Indiana, that poor lady might have had to adjust her wrist-watch up to four times, depending on the time of the year and the route.
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Post by Erik_Kowal » Thu Jul 13, 2006 12:32 am

Her wrist-watch must have had to take some heavy punishment, considering how often her teacher probably slapped it when she was a child.
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Post by gdwdwrkr » Thu Jul 13, 2006 12:48 am

She and Tony's grandfather should get together and synchronize watches.
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Post by tony h » Thu Jul 13, 2006 9:29 am

That reminds me of the story
of the 2 Irishmen travelling on a Tristar (3 engined aircraft) to Dublin. Part way through the flight the captain comes on the PA saying "We have a problem with the port engine and we have had to shut it down. We will be 30 minutes late."

A while later the captain comes on the PA again and says "We have a problem with the starboard engine and we have had to shut it down. We will be an hour and 45 minutes late."

Paddy says to Murphey.: "I hope nothing happens to the last engine we will be up here all night."
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Post by Edwin Ashworth » Sat Jul 15, 2006 8:08 am

And the famous early trans-Atlantic aviator, Chico Marx: "Then, we try again. We get 7/8 the way across, and what do you know? We run out of fuel, so we have to go back again."
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Post by Erik_Kowal » Sat Jul 15, 2006 8:26 am

Reminds me of the story of the *****man who was stopped for speeding. His reason: to get to his destination before his car ran out of petrol.

***** Insert desired ethnic slur here.
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Post by Shelley » Sun Jul 16, 2006 2:41 am

Reminds me of the dieter who quickly eats all the cookies in order to get them out of the house!
Glad you brought it up, Erik Kowal. gdwdwrkr's grandma's humorous creation on another thread struck a chord. I was raised on "Little Moron" jokes. Later on in life, I heard the same jokes referred to as "Pole-ock" jokes. First, I had to find out what a "pole-ock" was. Then, I wondered, "why Polish people?"
The great thing about Little Moron was one could assign whatever ethnic or racial attributes one preferred to little moron, without being limited to someone else's idea of which tribe was the planet's most stupid (or most lacking in hygiene, or most shrewd, or most habitually inebriated).
I'm sure none of you will be surprised to know that I identified strongly with Little Moron. Good-hearted, trusting, and struggling a bit through life: despairing at the impossible task of re-shingling the roof when all the nail heads are on the wrong end of the nail!
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Post by Erik_Kowal » Sun Jul 16, 2006 6:36 am

'Polak' is the Polish word for a Pole.

Typically, the ethnic group at the bottom of the social heap is the most recent group to enter a country. This partly explains why in the United Kingdom it used to be gypsies and the Irish until the mid-1950s, when quite large numbers of immigrants started to arrive in Britain from its former colonies. This resulted in many boarding-house proprietors putting up signs saying 'NO BLACKS OR IRISH' -- the kind of discrimination then commonly referred to as the 'colour bar', a state of affairs that was officially tolerated until the passage of the Race Relations Act 1976.

In the United States, about two million Poles plus a minority of immigratns from the rest of eastern Europe arrived between 1880 and 1924, the year whose Immigration Act greatly limited further immigration from that part of the world. Immigration into the United States remained low until the 1940s, partly because of a clampdown in the 1930s arising out of the Great Depression.

I suspect that the emergence of the Pole as a figure of fun, especially in the states along the eastern seaboard of the USA, is partly a reflection of the length of time during which the Poles were the last significant wave of immigrants to arrive in the country. Many of them also lacked a good education, a fact that did not improve their status, just as the poor educational attainment of many Irish immigrants into Britain contributed to their reputation for stupidity and a shortage of common sense. (Nowadays Ireland, now prospering as a high-tech economy largely thanks to its membership of the European Union, is a country of net immigration, and only a small minority of those Irish youngsters who go abroad to find work do so as unskilled labourers.)
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Post by gdwdwrkr » Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:51 am

Shelley, Now it's "blond" jokes, in a time when most blonds take comfort in the fact that they are not really blondes. (Only their hairdressers know for sure.)
***** = blond for insertion in Erik's joke. Viola! one joke fits all.

A blond was stopped for speeding. The reason: to get to the destination before the car ran out of petrol.

A friend from the south once told me that "people aren't as friendly up here," and I asked if they might not just be "responding to you."
Human nature is the same everywhere and at all times. Aren't there morons everywhere? Even idiots!?
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Post by Shelley » Sun Jul 16, 2006 1:27 pm

Speaking of dumb blonds, I heard one yesterday:

One blond says to the other blond, "Hey, which is closer: Florida or the Moon?" The other blond says, "Oh, the Moon". The first blond says, "Are you sure it's the Moon?" The second blond says, "Well, duh. Can you see Florida?"

When I asked, "why blond people?", I was told that the reason they are dumb is because of all the toxic chemicals in those bottles that they dump on their heads in order to be blond!
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Post by Erik_Kowal » Sun Jul 16, 2006 2:31 pm

I completely disagree that 'human nature' is the same everywhere and at all times. Although all people share very many attributes (we do all belong to the same species), their family and group affiliations, the influence of their cultural and religious life, their physical environments and the opportunities or problems which these create for their lifestyles also have a considerable shaping influence on their behaviour. Within any population, even basic biological processes are not identical from one individual to the next.

From this it follows that one cannot meaningfully speak about human nature in the abstract -- any discussion about 'the nature of man' or the like needs to be qualified in relation to specific individuals, groups and situations if it is not to consist mainly of inaccurate generalizations and empty platitudes.
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Post by gdwdwrkr » Sun Jul 16, 2006 5:18 pm

Erik
I heartily agree with your disagreement with what I think you think I meant!
I hope it clarifies things for me to say that everywhere and at all times may be found the entire range of personal responses. We respond well and overcome and become celebrators, we don't and become bitter, each is a mix, and there are no exemtions or excuses.
Shelley
Didn't you like Danger Rodneyfield's approach! Self-deprecating comedians are funny.
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