The unbearable truth

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The unbearable truth

Post by Erik_Kowal » Mon Mar 27, 2006 5:57 am

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University. Two or three times a week they would get together to have coffee and talk shop.

One day, somebody remarked in passing that preaching to people was really not so hard. The true challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and the three holy men agreed to conduct an experiment. They would each go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they met up again to compare notes.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, a blood-stained bandage wound around his brow, and could only hobble along on crutches, went first.

"Well," he told the others, "I marched into those woods to find me a bear. As good fortune would have it, I stumbled on one almost at once, and immediately I began to read to him from the Catechism. Bless me, that bear wanted nothing to do with me: to be sure, he began slapping me around even before I reached the first benediction. So I quickly grabbed my flask of holy water, sprinkled him on the forehead, and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he grew gentle as a lamb, soon as you like. What's more, the bishop himself is coming out next week to administer his first communion and prepare him for his confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had an arm and both legs in a plaster cast, and was attached to an IV drip. With his most muscular fire-and-brimstone oratory he declaimed: "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out, and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing WHATSOEVER to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to WRESTLE. We wrestled DOWN one hill, UP another and DOWN a third until we came to a creek. And quick as a flash, I DUNKED him and then BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just as you said, he became straightaway as GENTLE as a LAMB. We spent the REST of the day praising JESUS!"

Both pastors looked down at their friend the rabbi, who lay on a hospital gurney. The rabbi wore a body cast and had both legs in traction, and IVs and monitors were hooked up to him both coming and going. He looked to be in pretty bad shape.

Rabbi Rosenberg gazed up at the faces of his colleagues. Slowly he began: "Looking back, circumcision may not have been the very best way of starting with my bear…".
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The unbearable truth

Post by gdwdwrkr » Mon Mar 27, 2006 12:21 pm

I've heard of Bat Mitzvah............maybe a Bear Mitzvah would have done the trick.
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The unbearable truth

Post by haro » Mon Mar 27, 2006 11:13 pm

Gave me a good laugh, especially because my sweetheart in Northern Michigan (!) told me she had seen a bear in her backyard two days ago.
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Signature: Hans Joerg Rothenberger
Switzerland

The unbearable truth

Post by Erik_Kowal » Tue Mar 28, 2006 8:27 am

I hope she is able to tackle it using her bear Hans.
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The unbearable truth

Post by Bobinwales » Tue Mar 28, 2006 3:46 pm

It must have been a huge temptation to make an anagram of "bear" Erik, I admire your bare faced constraint.
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The unbearable truth

Post by haro » Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:05 pm

Well she said all she could do was bare it and grin.
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Signature: Hans Joerg Rothenberger
Switzerland

The unbearable truth

Post by Erik_Kowal » Wed Mar 29, 2006 4:59 am

I am just picturing Hans's sweetheart baring 'it'. Sometimes a vertical grin makes all the difference. ;-)

And Bob: you are right. But occasionally one must show forbearance and resist even temptation.
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The unbearable truth

Post by haro » Wed Mar 29, 2006 5:25 pm

Erik, that's why I posted her remark. After all, she's a writer and feature journalist, however, she keeps spelling it that way, while I, of course, keep teasing the heck out of her. Same with 'lying down' instead of 'laying down,' let alone 'lain' and the like.
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Signature: Hans Joerg Rothenberger
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