Executing John

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Executing John

Post by Bobinwales » Thu Feb 09, 2006 11:24 am

It was early morning in Dallas, Texas. A railway employee named John was working on a train, his job was to speak to the passengers and check their tickets. He signalled the driver to set off when there was a woman half on the train. The driver set off, the woman fell from the train and was killed.

At the trial, John was convicted of murder and as this is Texas, he was sent to the electric Chair. On the day of his execution, he sat in the chair and the executioner granted him a final wish.

"Well" said John, "is that your packed lunch over there?"

"Yes" answered the executioner.

"Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gave John his green banana and waited until he had eaten it.

When John finished, the executioner flipped the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through John. When the smoke cleared, John was still alive, fit and healthy.

The executioner couldn't believe it.

"Can I go?" John asked.

"I suppose so," said the executioner, "that's never happened before."

John left and eventually got his job back on the train checking tickets. Again he signalled for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man fell under the wheels, and was killed. Our hero is convicted of murder again, and sent to the electric chair. This time the executioner is determined to do it right, so he rigged the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The prisoner was again sat in the chair.

"What is your final wish?" asked the executioner.

"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" said the condemned man. The executioner sighed and reluctantly gave up his banana.

The banana is duly eaten, and the executioner flipped the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke cleared, John was still sat there, smiling in the chair. The executioner couldn’t believe it and let him go.

Well, would you believe, John got his job back on the trains. Once again, he gave the signal to pull away whilst passengers were still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again.

The executioner rigged up all of the world’s electricity to the chair, determined to get his man this time. John sat down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish?" asked the executioner.

"Well" said John, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch?"

The executioner handed over his banana, and John ate it all, skin included. The executioner pulled the handle and a billion million trillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises, John is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up," says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?" He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it?" he asked

"Nahh" said John, “I'm just a really bad conductor"
Signature: All those years gone to waist!
Bob in Wales

Executing John

Post by kagriffy » Thu Feb 09, 2006 7:50 pm

Bob, I have to give this the epitome of pun ratings: it was a three-groaner!!! Loved it!
K. Allen Griffy
Springfield, Illinois (USA)

Executing John

Post by Erik_Kowal » Fri Feb 10, 2006 12:52 am

So you smiled a green smile?
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Executing John

Post by Wizard of Oz » Fri Feb 10, 2006 6:25 am

.. had to re-read it to get the connection .. THEN I groaned !!!
Signature: "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

Executing John

Post by aelnamer » Fri Feb 10, 2006 9:13 pm

Good one, Bob.
Signature: Ahmed EL Namer
Dawson Creek,BC

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