The varnished truth

We've created this area in the hope of seeing material ranging from some well-told (or well retold) jokes to original writing with a humorous slant, or anything else that might appeal to the kind of person who enjoys playing with words more than people. That probably means someone like yourself. N.B. -- Postings preceded by ** contain some sexual or risqué content. (Makes them easier to find.)
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The varnished truth

Post by Erik_Kowal » Sun Jul 31, 2005 6:09 am

A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Fair enough," said his patient. "Now give me the medical term so that I can tell my wife."
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The varnished truth

Post by Edwin Ashworth » Mon Aug 28, 2006 11:03 am

I have always yclept a spade a spade.
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The varnished truth

Post by Erik_Kowal » Fri Sep 01, 2006 9:32 am

One technical term for an identity thief is 'ycleptomaniac'.
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The varnished truth

Post by Edwin Ashworth » Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:20 pm

And fencing them 'handling stolen handles'.

'Ycleptomaniac' sounds like it should mean a thief of time, but of course that's 'procrastination'.
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The varnished truth

Post by Erik_Kowal » Sun Sep 03, 2006 5:01 am

Or how about 'kleptochronia' (theft of time) and 'kleptochronic' (pertaining to the theft of time)? (I'm not certain of the correct formation of those Greek roots, but no doubt Hans Joerg will point out any slips.)
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The varnished truth

Post by Shelley » Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:05 pm

I love it! Welcome to Kafe KleptoKronia!
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The varnished truth

Post by Erik_Kowal » Mon Sep 04, 2006 8:36 am

Shelley, I believe they have a branch in Washington, D.C., halfway between the Capitol and the White House; because of its sensitive location, the owners had to contribute to their congressmen's re-election funds as part of their lobbying to obtain permission to locate it there. (Still, as they say, "Power is money". Wait... I think it might be "Time is money". -- But just to be on the safe side, no one can argue if I say that "Money is money". :-)
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The varnished truth

Post by Edwin Ashworth » Wed Sep 06, 2006 11:09 pm

Sounds suspiciously like that Harold Wilson blag.
On the other hand, Tony was Tony, and John ...
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The varnished truth

Post by Debz » Sun Sep 24, 2006 12:34 am

Hyperlackadaisicalitosis
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The varnished truth

Post by DJHampson » Tue Jan 16, 2007 6:10 pm

I can only say that when this condition leads to the same sort of "incapacity" on the job, medical doctors in the real world often diagnose anxiety, stress, depression, return-to-work syndrome, and a host of other "illnesses" that require extended paid leave. I understand that "obesity" has recently been added as a legally acceptable diagnosis as well. This all goes down under the general term "social security", so could we say our protagonist here is looking for "home security"?
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