Young 'uns

[Bobinwales]

A bloke in the pub told me that his 4 year old nephew had been been having Spanish lessons for 6 months but can't even say "please" yet.
I said that I thought that it was poor for four!

[Erik_Kowal]

A bloke in the pub said he was grateful he had been able to graze his herd of Andalusian cows on the village common free of charge since as far back as he could remember.

I told him he was right to be thankful for the moochers' grass years.

[Erik_Kowal]

I happened to bump into my former MP Michael Heseltine in a bar on the Costa del Sol. He was about to order me a beer when some bloke pushed in front. So I told the bartender, "Serve Hezza!"

[Erik_Kowal]

A bloke in the pub told me he'd just come back from a camping holiday in France. At the campsite he met a very nice local couple, and back at his pitch he mixed them some fruit juice with tonic water. He said they'd all really enjoyed their in-tent cordial.

[Erik_Kowal]

A bloke in the pub told me he'd recently celebrated Burns Night in his favourite restaurant in Edinburgh, where they happen to employ topless waitresses. Apparently the regulars there are full of praise for the place's neeps and tatties.

[Erik_Kowal]

I was sitting in a café in a small town in Mexico. After some sightseeing that morning I'd stopped off there for a slice of tres leches cake and a cup of tea. To my surprise, the place seemed to be a family business run by an Indian or Pakistani couple and their grown-up offspring. It had started to get busy soon after I arrived, so by the time I was ready to order my next cuppa the place was humming and it took quite a while to attract the attention of one of the waitstaff. When the youthful sari-clad server eventually came over, I saw it wasn't the same one that had taken my previous order. Nevertheless, she greeted me with a friendly smile. I smiled back. "Namaste!" I said.

[tony h]

to attract the attention of one of the waitstaff

"Waitstaff" is new to me.