Politics in Practice

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Politics in Practice

Post by Bobinwales » Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:20 pm

So there I was out canvassing, we have an election on May 1st.

"Beware of the Dog" the sign said.

I rattled the gate. No dog. I opened the gate. The little sod was hiding around the corner.

Hospital. Anti Tetanus. If Wales had not won the Grand Slam (That's Rugby for the unititiated) it would have been a rotten day.

Can you imagine the headline? Dog Bites Politician Not very inspiring.
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Re: Politics in Practice

Post by gdwdwrkr » Sun Mar 16, 2008 12:46 am

Given the politicians in these parts, they'd take the dog fer shots.
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Re: Politics in Practice

Post by Erik_Kowal » Sun Mar 16, 2008 1:09 am

Bob, I am having trouble agreeing with you on this one.

I think there are very many of us who would be enormously cheered by the regular appearance in the news of Dog bites politician, while Politician bites dog would only tend to confirm our worst suspicions.
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Re: Politics in Practice

Post by PhilHunt » Mon Mar 17, 2008 5:33 pm

The headline
politician bitten by dog
would explain alot about this countries shoddy politics, considering I live in a country which still has rabies.

Italy has two national sports.
Football comes a close second to voting.
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Re: Politics in Practice

Post by Edwin F Ashworth » Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:34 pm

I thought all politicians had incredibly thick skins, Bob?
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Re: Politics in Practice

Post by Bobinwales » Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:59 pm

Even we bleed!

I now wear my scars as a badge of honour.

Thankfully I was bitten on the back of my leg, a colleague of mine was bitten a couple of years ago firmly on the bum. The nurse whe tended his wounds was his friend's wife. I consider myself lucky, if having a Staffordshire bull terrier mistake you for a bone can be considered at all lucky.
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Re: Politics in Practice

Post by tony h » Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:56 am

Well I was amused when I received it:

"Courtesy/postershop.co.uk
To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.




A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen."

Though I don't know why anyone thinks we would want them back.
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Re: Politics in Practice

Post by russcable » Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:01 pm

tony h wrote:Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
Chav ain't bovvered, innit?
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
Andie Macdowell's character is from the US. They're in no position to be making a demands if they can't follow the plot of a simple chick flick that they wrote themselves.
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Re: Politics in Practice

Post by Shelley » Thu Apr 10, 2008 9:30 pm

. . . having one's ears removed with a cheese grater . . . hah!
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