Wordwizard

You most certainly can Steven.
I'm just a bit puzzled about the second question. What is it?

EDIT . . .My thanks to Erik who has answered my question in the post below this.
I feel a bit ashamed of myself for missing something so obvious!

A bloke in the pub told me that he had bought two goldfish. He named them One and Two, because if One died he would still have Two left. And if Two died he would still have One.

I was told by an expert that the spread of Coronavirus depends on two things:
The denseness of the population
And
The denseness of the population.

As far as I know the word "wizard" comes from the Middle English "Wys" meaning "wise".
I have no idea where the magical bumbling illegitimate men came from because I have never come across the concept. The wizards that I have met (in literature) have all been wise men.

Being someone who has been married three times, if you said that you had seen my ex-wife in the pub I would probably ask which one. As would my (current) wife.

Actually Steven, using all three at the same time would be completely natural and nice.

I would not pay any attention to the piece at all when you see such bad English as, " She would of said to the journalist’s , make sure the camera is on ME... . What should have been written is, " She would have said to the journalists , make sure the camera is on ME... . (The comma is in the wrong ...

I drink my coffee black. Quite often when I order an Americano I get asked if I want milk,

Sorry, I don't think any of them make sense.

A bloke in the pub told me that he hadn't slept for three nights trying to
find out what Captain Hook was called before the crocodile ate his hand.

I have not come across "bugger's grips" before, and I am sorry if I am stating the obvious, but surely "bugger" in that sense refers to origin of the word rather than the slang.

I don't think that a native speaker would use any of those in normal speech.

That is a good a description.